- The Onion: North Dakota found to be harboring nuclear devises
- “North Dakota, still in its cultural infancy, cannot be trusted to responsibly handle weapons of mass destruction,” French President Jacques Chirac said. “We are talking about a place that doesn’t even have a Thai restaurant or movie theater that shows foreign films, but still they have the resources to build thousands of warheads. Do not believe their claims of being ‘The Peace Garden State.'”
According to Chirac, North Dakota’s development of nuclear arms “represents a grave threat to peaceful states the world over, none more so than its longtime neighbor and rival across the 45th Parallel, South Dakota.”
. . .
The man at the center of the controversy is North Dakota’s leader, Gov. John Hoeven. Having risen to power in 2000 after amassing tremendous wealth in the private sector, Hoeven lives a life of comfort and excess inside the heavily patrolled North Dakota governor’s mansion, a lavish dwelling paid for entirely by the state, while many of his people engage in subsistence farming.
Some suspect that Hoeven is using the nuclear program as a bargaining chip to gain badly needed economic benefits for his state. Hardly at the forefront of technology in other aspects, North Dakota has a largely rural population and a child-poverty rate of 14 percent—a fact critics have been quick to point out.
“North Dakotans live a horrible life of isolation and deprivation, struggling to grow crops in a hostile, sub-zero climate while their indifferent government routinely prioritizes bolstering the state’s military might,” BBC World correspondent Caroline Eagan said. “There are people starving there, and yet high-tech weapons laboratories and military bases abound. It’s deplorable.”
Added Eagan: “And, no big surprise, the U.S. played a major role in arming this place. I hear most of the missiles are American-made.”
Many U.S. citizens have expressed fear, some realizing for the first time that North Dakota has thousands of weapons capable of reaching any major American city within minutes.
“It is absolutely frightening that there are all these weapons of mass destruction practically in my backyard,” said Karen Stiles of Moorhead, MN. “Do we really know enough about these people who have their finger on the button that could kill millions?”
Added Stiles: “How did our elected officials let this happen?”
Thanks to AJY for icq’ing me this link.