What I’ve been up to lately…
- Sorry for my lack of posts of late, but I just haven’t felt in the mood to blog. I have been writing though. I’m about 20 pages (double-spaced that is) into what I hope will be a book. It is a different book than I intended to write this summer (I’ll still return to my first idea later on though, of a harmonistic commetary of the Gospels).
The current book in progress I suppose is a manifesto of sorts, a revoluntionary statement, a wandering procession of a confused person’s mind. It is really something that is still evolving. Maybe it would be easier to just post what I have for preface right now…
This book is my attempt to regain my sanity. Over the last few years… no really my whole life, I have been trying to figure out what is truth, what is real, what is genuine. At times I smugly rested on what others told me was truth but in more recent years I’ve been questioning everything, to the extent that I feel lost. So many of the things I thought were absolutely solid truth seem so fluid now. Everything seems so vague… especially matters of faith.
The reality is that I am unsatisfied. I can numb this longing in a lot of different ways, but in the end when I can’t sleep at night, and my whole life seems to worthless and pathetic, I must return to the old questions.
This book is way of trying to articulate what seems real. I am still very confused but I hope maybe by putting these feelings and thoughts into solid words, that maybe I can find my way out of this abyss of emptiness and into a life of meaning. I hope in some way that my reader might find comfort and guidance in my twisted wanderings as well because I believe my dissatisfaction is not a unique experience.
I haven’t decided yet what direction this book will go. So far I’ve talked about what it means to discover one’s true identity, the critical imperitive of self-identity and that identity’s significance in the community, the fact that love is meaningless unless it is specifc (generic bland “universal” love means nothing if it isn’t specifc and unique to the one who is the object of the love)… I hope to move on to talk about the power of friendship, the power of autonomy, the difference between being interconnected as contrasted to being dependent on a sick and twisted societal system, and most of all I want to talk about God, about how it seems God works and doesn’t work, and how God gives humankind dignity and worth.
Anyway, that’s where my writing is focused on right now. I’ll probably still blog some but it won’t be my primary writing outlet.
Also, I do want to say that life is good. I go through phases of euphoria and depression but all in all things are good. I am in love which in general is both a misreable and joyful state of being. (but even in the misrey I like being in love more than not being in love — if nothing else it makes me feel more alive)
Beyond writing and being in love, I work a lot and I daydream about summer traveling. Cornerstone will be good (assuming if I can figure out a way to get there) and the planned weekend Oklahoma roadtrips should be a blast.
Well that’s enough to say for now. I’ve typed out plenty of verbal diareha for now as my friend K would say. She’s probably right but sometimes it feels good to just say what’s on the brain even if it makes no sense.
Hasta que la próxima vez yo escriba